I am officially attached! :D Back to honeymoon period again. Since you came into my life, everything has changed. I love you. Good thing is my whole family likes her very much. My mom have been pestering me to bring her home more often.

Nearly 2 months has passed since I arrived in HTA. Everything going well. Still in the process of deciding of where to go after I pass out. Been clubbing every weekend since last month. I see the need to cut down on my clubbing. Got to leave some personal time for my Dear during the weekends although we see each other everyday bleahx.

Will be getting my piano most probably next month or the latest by Dec. That's when my bonus is coming!

It's the time of the week! Book out day!

It's been a hectic week, really damn tiring. Maybe it's me only, my stamina is dropping. Anyway booked out at the same time, 6p.m, went home, unpack my stuffs, chat with Aiko fish ball on msn. Went out clubbing again at 12 midnight. It's the 2nd week in a row I went clubbing. Nearly pengz at the pub cos drink too much. Manage to remain sober. The girls at the pub are really wild. Their shorts are really short, makes one think that they are only wearing their panties @_@. Plus their super generous cleavage, seems like their breasts will pop out of their bra at any moment. Anyway, it's free show for me so I dun mind lol. Reach home at 7.15 a.m, thanks to Jie Lun giving me a ride home.

Dunno how to put it in words properly, but I would like to say, Gris you really makes a difference in my life. All the chatting on the phone, running together with you, playing badminton together, playing bingo together, eating together, I really treasure the time I spend together with you. No matter what other people think about you, now you are a special part of my life. One thing I hate is chatting on the phone, I really hate chatting on the phone but time really flies when I'm on the phone with you. Maybe I'll make an exception for you hehe.

Now I've to think of 10 silly things about me. Aiko fishball tagged me!!! I shall post them later when I've 10 things in mind.

Got only about 2 hours of sleep today. Chatting with Gris thru out the whole nite. I think from 11p.m till 6a.m in the morning. I think that's a record for me. 7 hours of of pure chatting. She's back together with her bf again, I dunno whether to be happy or sad. Well I dunno. I'm not sure of myself too. Time will tell. I just love to have her around me.

Going out later with my Squad at 11p.m. Guess gonna stay overnight today since they're meeting up so late.

Book out!

Back at home and not knowing what to do. Saturday got an outing with my squad and my OC. First gathering with them.

There's some misunderstanding in my squad. I lost my temper on Wednesday. Gain it back real fast too. I can't stand to see Gris feeling sad too. If I could, I would have punch her bf. Why the hell you would bully such a nice girl. Pissssssssed Off!

I won't be getting some this month pay due to some stupid admin errors on my bank account. Pissed off. The good thing is, I get two months pay next pay day.

Finally, one month has passed! Life in HTA is still great. My fitness has improved! Although there are problems within our squad, but it's still a great squad. Next week, it's 4 days off for me since there's the National Day on Aug 9 plus our whole squad took leave on Friday, the day after National Day to avoid the hassle of booking in and out. The result is booking out on Wednesday and booking in on Sunday.

I'm now training to go for the Standard Charter Marathon during December, so I'm running like practically everyday. It's approximately 42km. I'm planning to go with my Squad OC and he's one damn fit guy so I better be more fitter than him.

Miss Lovely Fionne just got even lovelier haha. She took off her braces and she looks even more sweeter. Haha.

Just book out and I'm skipping training today cos I'm damn blardy sick. Sick on my birthday some more. Fortunately, my squad give me a surprise birthday party. Really touched. Got a present and a cake from them. They actually went out and got me a cake which I'm really really happy about cos of the schedule we have which leaves us with little free time. Griselda treated me real nice on my birthday. Mei Ling got me the present.

Somehow Griselda seems very moody today. Maybe I was always with Mei Ling most of the time. I abandon her during the 2.4km run too. Bad Chris isn't it :( She's like my best female friend and Mei Ling is my scandal in my Squad. Now the whole Squad always try to pair me up with Mei Ling. Griselda thinks I don't want to talk to her. Maybe Monday I should go cheer her up a little bit.

Anyway, 3 weeks have passed. Life's good in HTA. Nothing to complain about. Squad mates are fun to be with. I got the best OC in whom I really respect a lot. Gris always makes me smile. Mei Ling always squabbling with me. The rest of the guys always talking rubbish. Hope our Passing Out Ceremony doesn't come so soon.

Griselda is beside me. Mei Ling is the gal on the far right. Birthday cake in front of me :D

One last post before I book in again tonight. Hopefully I get to book out next Friday, hopefully. Anyway, girls that know how to play the piano are simply charming, whom I'm referring to, of cos it's Younha! Enjoy the video and her superb live performance :D

Younha- Houki Boshi

Well, finally I'm back from HTA! First book out! We Regular trainees don't have a confinement period like the normal NS guys! Yeah!

Let me re-cap what happen during the first week. Ok, went in at Tuesday 10am, took nearly 3 hours to settle all the admin stuffs before getting going to our barracks. I'm housed at the Foxtrot Company. Sharing my room with another 9 of my squad mates. My squad have a total of 25 people including 5 girls. 3 Police Coastal Guard, 1 Central Narcotic Guy and the rest are all Police Officers including me. The best thing is our squad Officer In-charge a very nice guy.

No photos for this week cos I dun wan to go around taking photos during my first week. Later kena caught die. No need to book out liaoz. Still got 5 more months to go so definitely will have some photos sooner or later.

Finally some recording label with some sense in them has sign up Younha. Now she got both a recording label in Korea and Japan. She's under Sony Music in Japan and Stam in Korea. Way to go. She's already a big hit in Japan. The only person after BoA to break into the Top 20 on the Orion Charts in Japan.

Her very first Korean single "Audition" is also a hit. Too bad it's a digital single which mean you can only buy it off the internet. It's my fav korean song of her after "Delete" from her first korean album. Most impt of all, her dressing is a plus point! She covers herself up and still manage to look great! I hate singers that dresses like a whore. Example Jolin. Do you need sex appeal to sell your album? Yah when you have no musical talent.

Younha - Audition


She reminds me of Eun Hye :(

Let me introduce you all a very talented singer from Korea. She's really good, I mean REALLY GOOD! Beat any singer from Singapore hands down. Definitely better than those teeny pop singers like Cindy Wang that type. I can't believe SM Entertainment rejected her. What the hell are they thinking? They are the biggest record company in Korea. BoA is from SM Entertainment and BoA singing isn't even as good as her. Plus she got the looks.

This is her singing "You Can't Fight The Moonlight" Live. Yes, Live recording. This is CD quality voice! I present you Younha!

10 of July, Hello Home Team Academy. Bye Bye to K-Box gathering with Ling Yi. Enough Said.

I'm moving over to my new house this coming Wednesday. One week to enjoy my new environment before bring my ass over to a new environment again which is HTA. I gotta go down to HTA on 5 July to sign my contract and the briefing stated in the letter is going to take 3 bloody long hours. I also gotta do some shopping for the stuffs to bring in next week. So exciting. LOL

I was like only 6 or 7 years old then when I first met her. Her name was Yoon Eun Hye or in chinese Yun En Hui. That time my family was in Korea to visit some relatives. After my father went back to Singapore, my mother decided to stay in Korea for awhile. We were living in Suwon, it's a nice place with some great sceneries and theme parks. That's when I first started learning martial arts. I signed up for a taekwondo class to pass my time since we are staying for more than 3 months. Signing up for that taekwondo is one my best decision in my entire life. I met Eun Hye during the taekwondo classes. We gradually become close friends from that moment. I was attending a private school tat that time. I started from Primary 3 and not primary 1 in Singapore school by the way. The time I was in Korea, I would visit her family every now and then. Since we were kids at that time, we don't have any kind of romantic feelings for each other. Just play mates. Ok I went back to Singapore, But during my school holidays, I would pester my parents to bring me back to Korea. 3 years passed since I first met her. By that time we were in our teens already. Time flies. She's in high school and I am in secondary school haha. During my secondary 2 mid term holidays, I went back to Korea for holidays again, yeah it's my "n" time going back there lolz. It's turn out to be one of the best holidays in my whole life ^_^. One week before I was about to go back to Singapore, Eun Hye & me were at Everland Theme Park playing. Since it's our last week together, naturally we spend more time together. Those were some of the happiest times in my life.

The rest is history. Although she's not around anymore(I'm not going into the sad part), the good memories she left me are always with me. How I miss her so much...

Hye, are you looking over me now? :(

First and foremost, I've been too tired to do any blogging the the past few days. Plus I'm playing Granado Espada now, so even less time for me too blog. Cheers.

I receive my first birthday present for the year! Yipee! Hip hip hurry! My birthday is still quite far away since mostly probably I will be celebrating my birthday in Home Team Academy with other bald guys, it's nice to reecive a present in advance. The present is a special one too. It's hand made!
A bottle of stars and a card from I'm not telling who. I really appreciate the effort that you put into making it. I love it to pieces ^_^


Sry for the bad camera. The bottle of stars is sitting together with my fav model of Gundam.

A lot of people dunno how precious life actually is. I'm sure they heard the phrase "Treasure what you have before they are gone". But then who really does it. Life is so unpredictable. You can lose your love ones the very next moment. Seems like a dream at first, wishing that you could wake up and all the misery would be gone. Slowly reality set in and you are left staring blinding at empty space. You start to think that you could have learn to appreciate that person more, what you did last time was enough, zillions of regrets...but den that person ain't going to come back. A lot of people that you know a lot, act as though they know the pain of losing someone dear to them. Always take simple things for granted. I don't want to wake up one day, finding myself with all these regrets. I'm glad for all the things I've now. Even though they are not much, my friends, my family, my love one and all those materialistic things. I will try not to take them for granted.

People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. You must present something of equal value to gain something. That is the principle of equivalent trade in Alchemy.

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is time Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.

I shall blog abt Eun Hye in my next post. It's been like 7 years since she's gone to a better place...

I'm happy, feeling chirpy, sunny and jolly, and if I can, I would announce it to everyone! It's not that everything is going my way or that i got any good news that deserve such a cheery mood; Reckon that it is the PEACEFUL feelings overwhelming my inner self.

HAPPINESS - is also something that people tends to take it for granted. IT is a fantastical thing to achieve despite knowing that things are screwing up in your surroundings. Especially when events that happened are not controllable by your own self. So, why not, try looking at the softer spot of the situation, and still be happy, AT LEAST A LITTLE.

Everyone loves a bit of excitement, and a tad of things that are not routine. That helps to build SPARKS in one's life.

=) I'm happy, h-a-p-p-y, H-A-P-P-Y!!!

More Japan Misa-Misa cos-player. She's really good.





Still got lots of cos-play pic on my harddisk, shall find time to upload them ^^

Been meaning to upload some photos but my digi cam died on me :( but I shall upload those on my phone.

Dear Marcus Commissioning Parade Ceremony.



Marcus contingent marching pass



Marcus marching pass me. Whoopie, he look handsome


Actually you can't see much cadet wearing the red beret. Out of the whole parade, I counted, only like 5 person wearing it. The criteria for the selection of a Commando officer must be damn stringent. It's already tough getting selected into Commando, to get selected to be a Officer for Commando, I can only say "..." And Marcus is a detachment Commander now. Way to go man!

Visited my Aunt last week, for the very same purpose. To visit my Dear Bubble. He's staying with my Aunt since my father chased him out of the house. Why my parents don't like dogs!!! Grr.











Isn't he such a handsome boy? Loves him to pieces. ^_^

And I was cleaning my room, decided to clean my Katanas too. Been a long time since I last clean them.







Those who are anime fanatics, should recognize all the Katanas in the photo. The black Katana with the black tsuka(handle) is the Katana of Kurosaki Ichigo in Bankai mode from Bleach. The black one with striped tsuka is the famous reverse-edge blade Katana of Himura Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin. The red one you must be a real sword fanatics to recognize this blade :) Maybe I shall cos-play as one of those characters since I got their blades ^_^

I went for my dearest Marcus commissioning ceremony parade today with Janson. He's officially a Commando Officer. I know the 9 months of hell we need to go through to get our red beret, so I'm damn proud of him. Feel really happy for him and he looks super smart and sexy in his ceremony uniform. He's been good at almost everything he do. From studies(try beating his GPA of a perfect 4) to sport and he got a grade 8 in piano. Plus he always there to give me some good advices. My best friend in NYP TKD. Cheers to our 5 years of friendship.

Anyway Misa has found her Light. Rem feels happy for Misa. Rem won't forgives anyone that hurts Misa. That's how the story goes anyway.

I must be be positive. Nothing is achieve from being pessimist.

On my way home today, there were plentiful of couples around me in the train carriage. Saw one of my friend and her dear playing on the platform too. They look happy. Makes me feel a tinge of sourness. Why? Cos I'm alone, A-L-O-N-E.

Sometimes, this loneliness does creeps into me like some ghastly monster. I Hate it. Makes me feel like I'm such a pathetic idiot, feeling all so lonesome, without anyone to care about me. =( And yes.. I am one of those who are afraid of being LONELY. But I like being a loner. Contradicting huh?

Can a guy and girl be friends, platonic friends, without the lovers' bit at all?

I always thought to myself if this is possible. Friends pointed out that this isn't possible with the fact that opposites attract, henceforth being close pals would somehow or other bridge a special bond between both, and after which, feelings might develop.

True BUT, doesnt that applies to friends of the same sex? I mean, they are close, and can be very close as such; and furthermore, lesbian and homosexuality aint that uncommon anymore, so isnt this possible too?

I reckon that it is MERELY a very-very thin line that separates the friendship from a relationship of lovers. And once this line is crossed, thats when lovers-love get into the picture. Things might screw up from there. Why? Cos the relationship was built upon and meant to be friendships instead of this. Of cos, there are people who develop good and strong relationship from relationships that developed from friendships.

Therefore people, never ever think that it is impossible to fall in love with your nosey, irritating pal cos one day he or she may be the one you adore to the core. haha.

Right.

I actually meant to say that, things should be taken as it comes along. Fate or just God's Will, if things are meant to be, it will happen no matter how hard you try to prevent or refrain from occurring. On a not so light note, its similar to failed relationships. Things happen for a reason, its hard, but if you can see the other side of things, it could be a good thing after all.

I realized that I love you a lot but it doesn't mean that I have to be with you to love you. I can always love you from afar, right here waiting for you always. You know what, when ever I see her, I would see his face too. That's would makes me think twice about saying anything to her. She's is an impt person to me, I would care and protect her with my life. Sounds so old fashion haha. Seems likes something right out of a movie. I've been dreaming about her almost everyday. Seems true that what you think about during the day would come out in the night. Can't seems to get her out of my head recently. What can I do? Shut her out of my head?

Sometimes when things happen, you just know you're making a memory. You know that it's something you'll never forget. Other times, when you least expect it the smallest thing will remind you of something or someone. Those are the memories that make remembering worthwhile because those are the ones, however spontaneous, that make you really smile at the way things used to be.

Why I am creating a blog.....I dunno why. Maybe I just want to remember the little things that happens in my life. Maybe I will remember them...perhaps forget...I dunno.

I'm trying my best, or, actually i could do better... but I'm trying my best and for what I am clueless... perhaps I am trying to open up my options so that I will be able to be offered more choices... however, I hate making choices, so why do I do this? I confuse myself...I try hard but with no clue as to why..I love being perfect and it's probably a problem because polytechnic seems tougher than I thought...I wish I did better on all the test I took last time, but unfortunately I didn't do so well...there are always more opportunities, but I hate it when the choices you make and do are permanent, I hate it when you can't change something you regret, but that's life... so I guess in a way I hate life...

I tend to be quite emotional online, but not in real life...I seem to need to force myself just in order to break down... why I force myself is yet another thing I am not clear about... i can't seem to find anyone who truly understands me...I know people who understand to a certain extent, but they do not come as close as I consider...I shall analyze a few of them later...I know it's bad to do so, but it will help me clear my mind up...organize things...who I am talking to I have no idea...perhaps typing is a way for my two 'minds' to communicate and work together...though connected by nerve cells I'm sure they each have their own separate ways...

Anyway,I shall take this place wherever my fingers and mind takes it...like life, I will go with the flow and follow wherever it goes...hopefully I will not become too conscious because I am quite aware of such things...I do not want to disturb the smoothness of things and hopefully this all makes sense as my mind tends to move faster than I can type...

Maybe I was just another passer-by for her to get to that point in her life where she figure out what you wanted, or didn't want. So to prove to you that I want you and all I want is for you to be happy, I'll walk away. As long as your happy, even if it's not with me, I'll deal with the pain. You don't get to choose, you just fall ....And you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it and the reason its so confusing is because its love. but if love didn't have any challenges, what would be the point?

I am feeling quite moody now becos of something. Just after reading something, I suddenly feel confused. For the past few days I am quite happy even with all those shit going on. Today I am feeling just the opposite after reading something. I mean, it's not about me feeling sensitive and "thinking too much". Of course, I wish that's true. Sadly, I doubt that's the case. I mean what's wrong with me? I rarely get this upset over something since Eun Hye left me. ARRRGGGGGG! Maybe I should pretend as if nothing happen and act normal. That ain't going to change anything. I should just face the harsh reality and accept what ever the outcome maybe. I am going into depression again.

I have no idea what I am trying to do now. Soon training time will become a torture for me.

如果你从没出现 我会不会觉得快乐一些?

Suddenly, I think life has no meaning, the sky came crashing down...all for one girl. I still loves her. I am one stupid idiot.

看见你和他在我面前 证明我的爱只是愚昧...

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会 我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天

Going to have a long break this week. Don't really have any plans for this long long break. Maybe I go take a walk at the beach or something myself...

Went for Wushu lesson as usual today. Did the usual routines as usual. I still loves the color of my belt. White. A beginner. That's one more martial art to my ever growing list of Martial Arts I've learn. I personally love Taekwondo and Kenjutsu the most. By the way, Kenjutsu is a martial art specializing in the use of the Japanese sword Katana. Don't worry I won't go around slashing anybody up. As if my sword skills are that great anyway duh! I am a noob anyway! ^^

I don't seems to have any thing in particular that I wanna blog about. Bring on the sparks and the glitters into my life, man. I am terribly in need of those! My daily standardize routines are a real bore. Although things that happens between the routines are different. Today I was on the train to school. Not listening to my mp3 as usual. How time flies, just like the images that flashes pass you as you take the train. It's so surreal. I mean, I am already 24. Seems like I just took my O'Levels or something. I gotta sit down and do some serious thinking about my future. I'm not the small Chris anymore. Can't act so childish or keep having crushes on someone anymore. I gotta chart my own courses, where I want to be when I am 30. Seriously, I also gotta stick to someone I love regardless of the outcome. I tends to think, come on, there are tons of gals out there, why stick to a gal that wouldn't love you. That's some teenage thinking I guess. What I want to be when I get my ass out of Pan Pacific is another thing. I wouldn't be satisfied with some office jobs. I want to do be doing something that I enjoy. Does that means I'm not enjoying my current job right now???

If it's meant to be, it really will be. Girls are always scared that someone better will come along even though deep down there can't be anyone better. Like...there can't be anyone who could offer her as much as I do(Ok this is an overstatement from me). But you just have to trust her. And that she'll makes the right decision and won't let any other emotions block her vision. Or rather her heart. The gal I like now, calling it a simple schoolboy crush is just like saying a Ferrari is a vehicle with four wheels, something like a hay wagon. I did not blush or giggle(why the hell should I giggle anyway, I ain't a gal lol!) when I saw her, nor did I chalk her name on tree or write it on the walls of the kissing bridge. I simply lived with her face in my heart. In the world of comparison and conformity, I have to make my own statement. Honor my own truth. Have the courage to be myself, risk speaking your own thoughts and calming your emotions. Share my vulnerabilities, tears(hardly will have), doubts, and insecurities, let other experience the real me. Have the courage to be my myself and realize that I am a wonderful person. Gal, I know we get gotten to know each other only recently. You told me to affirm my feelings for you are not those like a crush. I ain't gonna rush things. Got got plenty of time to know each other more rite? But at the end of the day, I hope to be the guy that you point to and say "That's him". Cheers~

But then, he's like miles ahead of me right now....isn't it? Shrug*

If love is a difficult task, then let me be the determined one.

Arrived to my hotel early today for work. I didn't manage to sleep last night, so went out early from home. It's quite peaceful in the early morning. Not much people, not much buzz. I went around walking, snapping some photos with my lousy PDA phone. Sorry for the over exposed photos :(

My working attire. You can just see my blazer in the photo. It's my spare. 3 of them to be exact. The good thing is I don't even need to wash them myself. The hotel laundry does it for me ^^



Stone steps leading to Pan Pacific Hotel only Japanese Restaurant Keyaki. It's voted as one of the top Japanese Restaurant in Singapore. The place is quite nice, especially the ambiance.



One of the private rooms in Keyaki. You will be serve totally Japanese style, all the waitress are wearing Kimonos.



Actually all the doors you see in the photos are made of paper. Just that the paper is really strong, you can't just take your saliva and poke a hole in it.



I took this photos quite some time ago. You can see the Singapore Flyer.



I took this while I'm inside the hotel lift. The building in front with swimming pool is Conrad Hotel.



Marina Mandarin and the floating stadium for national day 2007



Suntec City and Swissotel



I'm so bored. I'll be getting my pay tmr. Maybe I should go shopping? More clothes? I actually have everything I need right now. I means those you can buy with money. Can't think of anything to buy. Maybe I should just contribute more to my "Car fund".

It's going to be almost one month since we started talking. So much have changed during this period of time. The people around me, myself, the environment. So much things has happened. Somethings for the better, some for the worse. Tough time don't last, tough man do. I shall walk on, no matter how difficult or painful is the path that is ahead of me.

I really need to get a rest. I'm one exhausted Christopher.

I like the way how I always manage to destroy whatever good impressions she had of me.

I'm sorry if I made you mad or pissed. I didn't meant to do that.

It's going to be a long night...

I guess I just have myself.

Don't know what I am. What lies are truth? What truth are lies?

Endless rain, fall on my heart...

I gazed at the foreign skies, and embraced the loneliness

The type of pain I'm going through right now is comparable to the time when Eun Hye passed away...

Damn it...I fallen too deep

Maybe I lose in the department of looks, finance, character, attitude blah blah blah etc...one thing for sure I won't lose in is I love her as much he do or even more. I won't give up no matter how painful it is. Ganbatte!

I was talking abt Misa Misa cosplay with her today, den just decide to post all the different Misa Misa cosplayer from different country. Well, I commend them for their efforts but my fav Misa Misa still remains her...not the ones at the bottom, but "her" lol ^^ 私は愛する 사랑해요 我爱你. And when is the last time I cosplayed? Two years ago? Yah I think so. Yah, Abel Nightroad from Trinity Blood I still remember. I got this fascination about Gothic stuffs and vampires. And yes, Abel Nightroad is sort of a vampire, so I went for him. Maybe next time I shall cosplay something simpler, like....erm I dunno @.@ Tmr is Tuesday, I hope I can walk her home...

Taiwan Misa



Japan Misa



The Real Misa Misa Erika Toda



Singapore Misa @.@

Well, I'm not well at all. Didn't manage to sleep again. Just couldn't fall asleep. Keep thinking of all sort of things through out the night. Wonder why I'm doing all these even when I know I don't have a important place in her heart. Oh well, that doesn't matter so much. Even she treats me as a spare tyre or something, I still wouldn't mind it as long as I'm there when she needs me. I love you.

Just got back my laptop. Early morning went to take it back just in case she needs it. Wonder how I am going to pass my day again. Really have no ideas what to do. Maybe go take a walk alone later. Better than being cope up in my room the whole day and thinking about the two of them being together. Oh...someone come and stab my heart. Maybe I wouldn't feel anything at all...

For now....back to finding something to do...blog again later

Back to blog for the nite...

The whole day is so damn freaking boring and draggy. Plus all sort of stupid thoughts going through my head make it even worse.

Wonder what's she doing now. I miss her.

Tmr is Monday which mean I'm one day closer to Tuesday.

Anything can be twisted. Living on, but running away from the things that you hate. There's no meaning to that! No matter what kind of master you are, you can't become excellent in only one day. The image in your mind wholeheartedly doesn't pay any attention to distractions. But you look like you will cry, and you want to give up. If you are weak and feel like you are going to lose. Take that weak image of yourself, put it in a bird cage, and toss it away into a valley. And then, more than anyone else, believe in yourself. For her, and for your own confidence. You can become strong! You must carry on to the end.

Jia You Chris! She will trust you one fine day!

Yeah, my fever has gone down. Got a good night sleep yesterday. It's long over due.

On MC today, so didn't have any programs. Stay at home the whole day, resting basically. Really got very bored so went to Causeway point to catch Pirates Of the Caribbean : At World's Ends by myself. The show is a bit draggy but then it's ok overall.

I seriously miss my piano. It's not those super grand type or expensive, just a normal Digital piano, but then playing on it helps me pass time. Now that I started learning classical guitar, I realize that electric guitar so much much more easier to play. The guitar neck considerably thinner, the pressure the you need to press the string down is much lesser. Not that I'm complaining, I still can bring my classical guitar out which I can't do with my electric guitar. I can play the simplest of song "Ode To Joy" on my classical guitar without any pause or looking at the strings now. Now that's a start haha. My birthday coming soon, hope to get a new electric guitar for myself. Hope to own a Les Paul Gibson one day. Erm the price I shall not mention it. Did I mention my dream Piano? Kawai AR-40 crystal grand piano. Erm it's much more expensive than a family car for your info ^^ I shall dream of it.

Talking about electric guitar, my current Ibanez model I think is going to die on me soon one day. The sound getting worse and worse each day. Maybe it's my amplifier fault but I should get a new one anyway. Les Paul Gibson 1000% out of my budget, so maybe I will get another Ibanez or a Stratocaster, maybe a Fender? Until the day I can play X-JAPAN Hide's guitar solo(pronouce as HEE-DAY, not Hide for those ignorant fools), I will get myself a Gibson. That's the guitar Hide is using anyway. It's like 9 years since Hide pass away. Can't listen to X-Japan guitar solos without feeling a tinge of sadness.

Most probably I will moving to my new house which I co-own together with my dad(I'm paying 75% of the monthly loan), by the end of June or the latest early July. I would be able to buy my new piano then to save the hassle of moving it over to the new house if I buy it now. I'm considering buying a Kawai if my budget allows me to but most probably I would get a Yamaha Digital Piano which is compact in size and would fit nicely into my new room.

Some time ago, I met you. But I never have thought that I would have grown such feelings. Can it be that, I've fallen for you?
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On the way back, I stayed silent. As I look at the stars in the night skies. I took the long route on purpose. Walking as I hold your hands
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As long as we are together, We will be able to overcome any obstacles. As I look back at those feelings...
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I realize that I miss you.
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I realize that I've fallen in love with you

My 40 degree fever is running for the second day, and I foolishly still went down for TKD training. I can't afford to miss a single training. That's the only 2 hours I get to see her every training. Maybe I'm foolish, but den that 2 hours means a lot to me.

Wasn't feeling very well through out the whole training but I think I manage to hide it quite well. Well at least I made it through the whole process. Still came home in one piece. So I shall count down to next Tuesday, for obvious reasons of cos.

Always go home from training with a heavy heart, knowing that he's sending her home. I'm quite sure he likes her if not no guy would send a girl home after everyday training. Well at least he's in a better position than me. He gets to send her home. Actually whatever makes her happy, I'm fine with it. I rather be lonely and sad then be a burden to her. As long as I get to her see once in awhile, maybe I should be contented with it. Just see her smile from a distance away, even the smile is not for me, I think it would brighten up my day a bit.

Just did the below test, came out something interesting. It's quite true to some extent. Just some reading from the report.

When Virgo and Leo join together in a love match, they may initially overlook common interests and feel they have nothing to gain from one another. This is a relationship that evolves over time, each partner gradually understanding and appreciating the other. Leo is extroverted, dominant, and charismatic, and often has a short fuse. Virgo is studious and withdrawn, possessed of more versatility than Leo. Although there are differences, they make a wonderful love match when each partner warms up to the other's unfamiliar style.

Leo and Virgo may see nothing but faults in one another. Leo may seem tyrannical, and Virgo may seem too judgmental. But when they stop looking solely at one another's flaws and begin to discover one another's positive attributes, they'll discover an attraction.

What is the best aspect of the Leo-Virgo relationship? It's their effectiveness as a couple. Metaphorically and literally, Leo commands attention and respect by showing people what they are made of socially, and following through on new ideas motivated only by fun and excitement. Virgo works hard behind the scenes, scheduling appointments and following up on details Leo has lost interest in. Their personalities, opposite in so many ways, makes theirs a highly complementary love match.

Well well, the compatibility report between Leo and Virgo isn't that bad. It's good, I just hope she see me in a different light after some time. It's true that all she see is faults in me now...

Guess it would happen sooner or later, I'm sick. Haven't been sleeping well for like almost one week? Either couldn't fall asleep or would keep waking up, work and training still carry on as usual. My body finally have reach the limit. Both physicaly and emotionally.

Actually what started out as a happy night, ends up in a depressing note. She actually agree to go out with me for a movie, I was like over the moon. Den at 10pm sharp, came another sms from her telling me she couldn't make it. Her reason being her mum didn't agree to let her go out after all. Or maybe she just doesn't want to see me at all. Maybe...

I think I'm not fine at all. I thought I would be able to forget her. I thought I wouldn't miss her. I thought I would fall for another one soon. I thought...Me is not me now at all. What the hell is happening to me?!

I've been roaming to find myself. How long have I been feeling endless hurt? All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand. I'm dying of thirst, I wanna run away, don't know how to set me free to live. My mind cries out feeling pain. If it's a dream, now wake me up. If it's for real, just kill me.

In the pain, I'm waiting for you.

I think I won't get to say it in real life....and since no ones actually knows my blog add...might as well say it here loud....

Jocelyn...I'm in love with you. You won't believe me when I tell you in person. Maybe I'm not the one for you, maybe you just plain dislikes me, maybe I'm not the person you have in mind of a perfect boyfriend, there are just so many maybe. No matter what ever happens in the future, I can cross my heart and say I would be always there for you, always there.

If only you knows how I feel...if only...

Stab the dolls of hate.
Wash yourself with their blood.
Drive into the raging current of time.
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly. "The earth."
Shout and start creating confusion,
Shed your blood for pleasure. And what?
For love? What am I supposed to do?

Past and future prison my heart.
Time is blind, but I wanna trace my love,
on the walls of time over pain in my heart.

What is your element



Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual, gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to know quite what to think of you because you camouflage your emotions so incredibly well, almost as well as your thoughts. You are unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what your going to do or what your capable of and you've made sure they never will. You are quite the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind and very intelligent person. You are capable of love but unless you let some light into your shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your relationships. People are a mystery only because they all seem too superficial, you would rather be somewhere else. Away from all the noise, perhaps putting your feelings into a form of art. Such as writing your feelings into a poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture. The shadows make you feel comfortable and you don't like to step outside your comfort zone or let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies you. You are truly a mystery.

Rarely do I blog away from home. Just happen to be having a long break at work. It's been a hectic morning, try to get some functions in proper order. Tomorrow is my day off so it's not so bad. Having a full body medical check up at OUB Center, Raffles City there. It's for my next job which I'm not saying what until I've sign the confirmation letter. Thursday is Vesak Day so it's another day of rest for me.

Been feeling quite sucky and moody and depressed and blah blah blah for the past one week. I know it's all because of one thing. Everything between me and Chieh have been settled. She understands and doesn't blame me anymore. We're still frens so it's all good.

She's talking with me again which is a good thing. I seriously miss all the time I spent with her during that one week. Even it's only one week, it's been a wonderful week for me.

You will understand me one day, you will...

This I promise you.

Why are you scared?
What have you seen?
In the castle with the silent roses
I ask again and again
Why are you sad?
What pain are you feeling?
Oh, I ask of the rose with its petals of blood
But the rose of blood can't answer me till the end
Scream without raising your voice...

You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so you're painting your heart with your blood. You can't say "No". Only turning the wheel of time with a rope around your neck. You build a wall of morality and take a breath from between the bricks. You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them. You're trying to commit suicide. You're satisfied with your prologue. Now you're painting your first chapter black. You are putting the scraps of life together and trying to make an asylum for yourself. You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage and you are trying to kill me.

Sometimes when you love a gal and miss her so much, and keeping wanting to see her, don't you wish you never knew her....so you'll be spared of the torture???

When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it OK.

I miss you

I feel like I just opened the door a little bit, that has been closed for several years after the sad incident….. Well things start flooding into it….. I guess I'm lucky…… but I'm a little tired…..

Yeah, I accidentally deleted my previous blog. All my posts gone. LOL! That's like 3 years worth my blogging. Well I don't actually care. Shall start again.

To that particular person ; I'm sorry, though, but I've already sold my soul to the Devil. I can't get along with a goddess now.

XXX, if you too wish to fight me, then so be it. I'll welcome you with open arms. We are , after all, friends! Hahahahahaha!

Ever since that day, I suppose I've been craving destruction and loss. Yes, before creation there must be destruction. If my soul stands in my way, then I'll toss it aside. Yes, I have no choice but to move forward. So...